The fears over the economy, the election or state of planet earth could be summarized as “the fears of losing something of value,” such as security, trust and our environment. However, underneath the fear of losing something that’s important to us often lingers a greater fear: ”the fear of losing control and being powerless.” This deep-seated fear can lead to a vicious cycle, causing us to believe that hyper-vigilance, micromanaging, and even obsessive thinking are the only way to maintain some sense of power and control when, in actuality, it is fear and anxiety that control our lives.
Although our external world may appear often out of our control, we have all the power of choice inside of us. We may feel forced to within life in circumstances that are determined by others; however, we can still choose our thoughts, our perspectives, and even our emotions. The Fear and Anxiety Solution makes this choice easier by providing a step-by-step process to transform these often overwhelming emotions into catalysts of growth and empowerment.
As we feel more calm, centered and confident, we are able to recognize both: that we can make a difference in our immediate environment, by for example budgeting, recycling, educating others or going to vote. And that we have the inner resources to handle anything that comes our way.
After all the opposite of feeling out of control isn’t being in control. The opposite is to trust and be at peace.
Anxiety is often a symptom of a deeper-seated problem. Similar to physical pain, which alerts us that a wound or an infection needs to be treated, anxiety can point towards a root cause that requires our attention. One of the major root causes of anxiety are limiting core beliefs, such as “I am not good enough” or “I am not safe” that are programed into our subconscious mind during our childhood. Limiting beliefs filter and distort our perception about ourselves and the world, which explains why some people, no matter how much success and approval they have gained, still feel unworthy or like frauds – anxious to be exposed and found out. And others are unable to relax and enjoy life, because they constantly expect that ‘the other shoe will drop.’
The best way to identify anxiety-triggering limiting beliefs is listen to your inner self-talk. After all, usually anxiety isn’t triggered by real outside threats, but much more by what we are telling ourselves. For one week observe your internal dialogue and write down the negative thoughts, which may cause you to feel anxious or insecure. Then notice the themes these thoughts have in common and what limiting beliefs may be causing them. Most limiting beliefs are based on experiences of the past and don’t reflect the present. Therefore, collect evidence that shows you that these limiting beliefs are no longer true and valid. For example make a list of your accomplishments and capabilities or write down all the reasons why you know that you and your loved ones are safe.
This way you shift the focus of your mind away from anxiety and limitations and towards focusing on greater peace and appreciation.
Less than 3 weeks left until the launch date of my book The Fear and Anxiety Solution. If you are in the Seattle area, join me on November 2 at 7:00 PM for a book release presentation at East-West Bookshop.
To celebrate the book launch 50 plus amazing colleagues, teachers and healers have put together a special gift package for you. If you purchase the book on November 7th through our brand-new website www.thefearandanxietysolution.com, you will receive bonus gifts with a value of over $5000.
Now you may wonder: “What is The Fear and Anxiety Solution about?” Let me tell you a little bit about it. If you are dealing with fear and anxiety, you probably know how overwhelmed and powerless these emotions can make you feel. You see yourself as weak and flawed and the longer you struggle the more difficult it appears to overcome these challenges.
This book is based on my breakthrough and empowerment program, which has helped countless people to move beyond fear and anxiety and tap into their true potential to heal, change, and succeed.
The Fear and Anxiety Solution is a step-by-step guide that explains how to transform fear and anxiety into powerful allies, messengers, and healing catalysts that lead to greater confidence, self-worth, and success. Imagine how your life would change if you were no longer afraid of fear and anxiety. Instead, you could transform fear into healing catalysts that lead to greater confidence, self-worth, and success.
In the book I explain how to:
- Discover and address the subconscious root causes of your fear and anxiety
- Release stored emotions and traumas from your cellular memory
- Eliminate inner conflicts, mind-racing and self-sabotaging behavior
- Replace limiting core beliefs
- Establish foundation of peace, calmness, and resilience
- And much more
Listen to my upcoming interview and learn how you can break through fear and anxiety, access your untapped power—and “turn up your inner light so that you can shine more of who you truly are out into the world.”
Time Line Therapy™ is a subconscious mind activating technique, which is derived from Neurolinguistic Programming (NLP) and Ericksonian Hypnotherapy. It is used to release negative emotions, such as anger, sadness, fear, guilt and shame and limiting beliefs (for example I am not good enough, I don not deserve) through hypnotic regression and subconscious learning.
Time Line Therapy™ was developed in 1985 by one of the leading experts in the field Dr. Tad James. NLP proposes that the subconscious mind encodes and stores all our memories and experiences. This enables us to keep track of time, even though only a very small fraction of this vast information is in our conscious awareness. The subconscious mind represents the memories in a linear fashion, which is called the Time Line. In a light trance state, a person can identify where their Time Line is by closing their eyes and pointing in the direction of the past and then the future and imagining a line between these two points. About 98% of the population finds the orientation of their Time Line relative to their body either stretching from behind them to in front, or from left to right. The orientation of the Time Line can give the Time Line Therapy™ practitioner valuable information on how the client experiences life and relates to the past and the future.
On the level of the subconscious mind, memories that contain a specific negative emotion or limiting belief, such as I am not good enough are chained together in a sequence of events, called the Gestalt. Rather than focusing on individual events, Time Line Therapy™ releases the entire Gestalt, beginning with the very first event of the problem until the present moment. This allows the individual to completely eliminate negative emotions and limiting beliefs from the subconscious storage, including those which could not be consciously processed. The fact that Time Line Therapy™ does not require the client to remember or relive potentially traumatic events is one the distinguishing aspects of this gentle process. In addition to the release of unwanted emotions, Time Line Therapy™ provides subconscious learnings and deeper understanding of the past, which supports personal growth.
The release of a negative emotion or limiting beliefs with Time Line Therapy™ takes usually from a few minutes to one hour. In order to test the success of the therapy, the client thinks about a specific event that before Time Line Therapy™ used to bring up the negative emotion or belief. Since the basics of this process are relatively easy to learn, the client is empowered by the successful release to work consciously with the subconscious mind and utilize this technique by themselves in the future. Time Line Therapy™ has been proven to be highly effective in treatment of depression, anxiety and post-traumatic stress disorder, as well chronic physical conditions, that involve emotional and psychological components. In addition, people who suffer from low self-esteem or feel stuck in their lives can benefit greatly from this process.
We can literally talk ourselves into a state of stress and anxiety. In fact, when we pay close attention, we notice that most of the times we simply freak ourselves out. As Mark Twain once said, “I had a lot of tragedies in my life—most of them never happened.”
We’re not often consciously aware of the sequence of negative thoughts that lead to anxiety. The resulting feeling itself is what makes us pay attention. But how did we get there? The exercise below is a very powerful way of paying attention to the thoughts that often lead to a downward spiral into the dark pit of fear and anxiety. The descent can start with a “what if”, or an “I should have”, both mere assumptions, either about something that has not yet happened or something that we can’t change because it has already happened. Yet this does not stop us from entertaining these thoughts. These thoughts are often judgmental or critical in nature. We doubt ourselves and wonder what other people may think about us. And very quickly, thoughts pop up that seems to confirm the previous ones, which confirms or exacerbates the first one, adding to the raising feeling of gloom and uncertainty. The problem is that these thoughts seem to only partially enter our conscious awareness. They can be so quick and fleeting that we don’t really “catch” them. The initial idea is often immediately trailed by another thought, which confirms or exacerbates the first one – and so on.
I routinely ask my clients to watch their negative self-talk and actually write this talk down. Most of them are completely surprised when they find out how often negative thoughts float through their minds. But they are even more shocked by what they say to and about themselves. “How can I be so mean to myself?” is a very common reaction. Let’s face it, how often do we tell ourselves “I am stupid, fat, ugly, a loser,” etc., things that we would never tell anybody else directly to their face.
So why do we treat other people with more respect and consideration than we treat ourselves? Does it make sense that we don’t want to hurt others’ feelings and at the same time are our own worst critic? One of the most important components to breaking through fear and anxiety is to learn how to trust—especially to trust ourselves. Would you trust somebody who calls you “a loser” or tells you that “you don’t have what it takes?”
The following exercise is one of the most effective ways of handle negative, self-defeating mind-racing. However, there are a few considerations that are important to understand to use this tool most effectively.
One of the reasons this exercise works is because it interrupts the spiral of negative thinking before it gets us into the negative emotion. It is training our mind to not automatically follow this self-defeating train of thoughts, but to search for new options and ways to view the given situation. By considering the more positive angles, we are also planting seeds in our mind, which support the growth of greater confidence and self-esteem.
Another major factor is that we are learning to directly address the deeper source of the negative self-talk. Negative self-talk is not a conscious, intellectual choice. It stems from the subconscious mind. Imagine that a part of your subconscious mind is merely repeating old “tapes” of negative messages you heard many years ago. Maybe when you were a child, being worried and hyper-vigilant may have served you by helping you to feel more safe. Maybe you had to make sure that you were not getting in trouble with your parents or it felt much safer for you to be invisible. The reason why a “younger” part of your mind is continuously playing these old themes and holding on to these patterns is because that part has never been properly encouraged and reassured. By either ignoring these now rather non-supportive messages or buying into them through anxiety and worry, this subconscious part will just continue what it has been doing for a long time. So how would you respond if a little child would tell you that he or she feels bad and frightened? Would you ignore her or tell him,“yes, you a’re right, you suck, and the world is an unfriendly and dangerous place?” Of course not, because not only would you frighten the child more, but also what will happen is that this child will start screaming louder and louder. What you would do is to comfort and reassure this child, not merely with intellectual reasoning, but with gentle kindness from your heart. And as a result, the child would most likely feel safe and at peace again. This is the context in which you need to place the following negative-positive / self-talk exercise.
To get specific:
Get a little notebook that you will carry with you at all times. In this book, you will write down all negative self-talk immediately when it comes up. Then ask yourself: “Is this true?” “Does believing this serve me or anybody else?” “Does believing this help me in reaching my goals?” These questions help you to interrupt the negative thought spiral.
Then promptly, next to the negative thought, write at least three positive ones, which are counter-balancing the negative thoughts. As you write down the words, make sure that you are fully aware of the positive qualities. Feel good about what you are writing. In the past, you may have tried to change negative thinking through positive counter-balancing. The reason why most people who unsuccessfully tried to counter-balance negative-self talk failed is that they did not add positive emotions to the positive statements. The subconscious mind does not care so much about words; It cares much more about feelings. So rather than using this exercise as mental gymnastics, make sure that you can feel and stand behind the positive statements you make. This is why the image of talking to a younger, subconscious self is so helpful, since it is easier to talk kindly and comforting to a child than to an adult self. Be very diligent and committed to this exercise, and don’t let one negative thought slip by without counter-balancing it. By using this method, most people are able to reduce negative self-talk by more than 80 percent in just a couple of weeks.
The first step to change is to realize that you actually want to change. Often change itself appears even scarier than the future consequences of staying stuck. And as long as the “what is” feels more comfortable than the “what ifs” of choosing a different direction, we don’t feel compelled to change. Therefore, it is very important to think about the reasons why we want to change. The motivation to do anything comes from knowing why we are doing it. The bigger the why, the stronger the motivation is.
So start the path of change by finding very compelling reasons for changing whatever you would like to change. Consider what it has cost you and will cost you to stay the same—emotionally, physically, financially, and so on. Think about how much energy the current situation drains from you, the lack of joy and fulfillment—you get the idea. This process creates a so called “away from” motivation, away from what is not working any longer. “Away from” motivations can be very powerful catalysts to start moving; however, most often they are not sufficient for real change.
Let’s say you’re dealing with lack of confidence or simply hate your current job, creating an “away from” motivation will get you to the place where you are certain that something needs to change. However, since what we focus on increases in importance, staying only with the “away from” focus can eventually make the problem appear even bigger, enhancing the feeling of being stuck. After you have established an “away from” motivation, you need to know where you are going. Otherwise you are trying to drive while looking only in the rear view mirror and you can imagine that this will not get you very far. Therefore, it is imperative to determine and focus on what you want.
There are several reasons why creating a “towards” motivation is so important and effective. First of all, the conscious mind needs clear directions. Changing or reinventing yourself, is just like planning your vacation, you need to determine where you want to go – and then get a map and find out how to get there. Think about how it would look like for you to be confident, self-assured, at peace with yourself – or how it would be to have a job that is satisfying and enjoyable.
Clear directions are very important for the subconscious mind to work most effectively. Remember a time, when you decided to buy that specific car, or were looking for a house, or were starting to fall in love with that special someone. Didn’t you notice that specific car in your chosen color much more frequently than before? Didn’t “for sale” or “for rent” signs magically appear everywhere? And how many times did your heart flip in a somersault, when you believed you saw the special someone in the midst of a crowd, only to find out that you have simply hallucinated . Once you decide what you want, your subconscious mind will tirelessly search for opportunities and ways for you to find it – or at least something close to it.
It is important to define the goal, the direction in a positive way. You can certainly appreciate the difference between “I don’t want to feel worried anymore” and “I want to feel confident, peaceful and free.” Or “I want to be pain free” and “I want to feel comfortable and vital.” Because the subconscious mind cannot compute negations, the “not” goals still keep you focused on the problem.
It is also crucial to not only have a mental concept of what you want and how you want to change, but also to add positive emotions to this desired outcome. Ask yourself “how will it feel, once I have reached this goal.” The subconscious mind communicates through sensations, images, and feelings. Words and mental concepts don’t have any meaning for it, unless they are tied to some kind of emotional attachment. The more positive you feel about our goal, the more importance this subject gains for the subconscious mind, and the more energy and focus the subconscious mind will spend on helping us to achieve it.
Neuro Linguistic Programming offers very powerful processes to create clear goals that give the conscious and the subconscious mind direction and positive momentum. This way, you will be able to automatically shift your energy and focus from the problem to the solution, from limitations to possibilities, from the past to the future, from being stuck to being proactive. Rather than struggling against the problem, you are guided by your conscious and subconscious mind toward the solution and the fulfillment of your goal. After all, 80 percent of success is deciding and focusing on what you want.
Often we don’t take the time to listen to our emotions – especially if they are perceived as “negative.” We avoid feeling them, because they appear too random, irrational and at times even overwhelming and utterly uncontrollable. However, by ignoring or avoiding these emotions, we don’t only miss out on the opportunity to learn and grow from them, but we also run the risk of having anger, sadness, anxiety or shame accumulate in our subconscious mind. Such emotional baggage can weigh us down, drain our energy and make us more susceptible to experience those feeling we tried to tune out. We rage in a traffic jam, cry at a hallmark commercial, jump when a fork drops or freeze when asked a question. In addition to that, emotional baggage has shown to weaken our immune system, which can lead to chronic illnesses such as cardiovascular and auto-immune diseases.
Here is a simple 3 step exercise, which allows you to consciously connect to your emotions, begin to understand and address their deeper meaning – and by doing so release them from their subconscious storage. To access this exercise click here.
Growing up in an emotional family, I learned quickly to believe that emotions only cause commotion. The frequent anger outbursts of those around me felt as scary and overwhelming as the ever present anxiety and present. Being rather sensitive to my surroundings I took on the role of the “emotional diffuser” or “peacemaker,” which, my parents had already in mind for me, when they gave me my name Friedemann, which means “Man of peace.” My mission was to avoid or diffuse emotions and come up with a plan to reinstate peace and harmony in the family.
Like me, you may have experienced your own emotions or those of others, as random, overwhelming, even paralyzing and utterly uncontrollable. Maybe you’ve felt stuck in anger or anxiety, discouraged, or frustrated with yourself, because, unlike you, all the people around you seem to have it together. Wouldn’t your life be much better if you could run it by logic and reason? And wouldn’t it be best if you could just turn your emotions off?
Generally speaking, our modern society has little room and patience for feelings. Reason and logic are far more accepted and valued than sensitivity and emotions. However, we need emotions for guidance and to bring meaning to our lives. They provide us with important information about our likes and dislikes, our strengths and weaknesses, and the value of our actions and choices. Every day, emotions have a significantly larger impact than facts and reasoning on the choices we make and how we experience our world. Isn’t it true that the moments we remember and cherish the most are those we associate with the strongest feelings?
In this 5 part interview series I will address the emotional archetypes of anger, sadness, guilt, shame and anxiety – and introduce the keys to utilize these powerful energies for your healing and personal growth.
You can listen to part 1 here, which will shed light on the “up and down-side of anger.”
Do the footwork / take action, be flexible and course correct. The law of attraction is not about having remote control access to the infinite abundance of the Universe. Manifestation is a collaborative effort between us and that “field of infinite possibilities”. Notice that the best things in your life may have showed up rather unexpected – and you had to seize the opportunity in order to make the best out of it. For example, you may ask for a loving partner, with whom you can be yourself. The next day, you feel a strong pull to talk to a person in front of you in the line at the coffee shop. Now it is up to you to follow that inner calling and take action. Flexibility is important, because it increases the possibilities for manifestation. Let’s say you would like to get a new car; you certainly can focus on manifesting a mint green BMW 325 with beige leather seats, it may just take a little longer to drive it. Alternatively, you can ask the Universe to present you an opportunity to get a car that is fun and fits your needs – without getting too specific. Flexibility also needs to result in course correction of your active participation in the manifestation process.
Appreciate what you already have in your life and give out the energy that you would like to manifest in your life. Gratitude and appreciation are the keys that unlock any blocks to creating what we desire. It just needs to be sincerely felt. Take every day a few minutes and appreciate the blessings you have in your life and the blessing that you are for the world. Another important key to manifestation is to sharing the energy of what you would like more of. Be kind and loving to others, if you want more kindness and love; give the homeless person on the street some money, if you would like to have more of that yourself. As Ghandi said: be the change, you wish to see in the world. After all manifestation is not only about having more “stuff” – but also about creating more happiness and joy in our lives and the lives of others.
Change limiting beliefs. If you believe that it is not possible to have what you want, if you doubt that the law of attractions works or even exists, your creative energy will be far less potent, than when you are approaching manifesting your goals from a place of trust and faith. Gather evidence on a daily basis that you are already and have all along been able to create what you desire in your life – and that the Universe is showing up for you. Keep track of the synergies that occur, such as thinking about somebody and then that person calls you; or getting that perfect parking spot, when you need it the most. Also become aware of the reasons, why you deserve to have what you want (get more specific than “everybody deserves that”.)
Realize that the law of attraction is a law of nature. Although the thought may be very tempting, the truth is that Universe does not work like Santa Claus. You may not always get what you want on that day you want it. The law of attraction works much more like nature: you plant a seed into good soil, water it, let enough sun shine on it and it will definitively grow. We don’t always know when it will happen and what exactly will come out of it. Expectations that are not grounded in trust and faith can easily lead to impatience and frustration, both of which are counter-productive to our abilities to manifest. Let go of the expectation that what we want should show up when and exactly how we want it and open up to the possibility that there is a perfect way and timing. After all, we all had the experience that we thought we really want something or someone, and just a short time later felt very relieved and blessed that our wish was not fulfilled. Which again can be evidence that the Universe is looking out for you.
- automatic movements
- conscious awareness
- Conscious Mind
- Egypt is Calling
- Emotional Balance
- Healing Team
- Human Body
- Personal Breakthrough and Empowerment
- Subconscious Mind
- Time Line Therapy
- Unconscious Mind