Healing Team

The Empowered Self Series: Part 10-Healthy Boundaries Start From Within

boundariesDo you have boundary issues? For many people setting boundaries is more uncomfortable than enduring the pain of getting disrespected or walked all over. The desire to please and the ensuing fear of rejection can thwart any efforts to speak up, push back and stand up for oneself. However, the challenge with boundaries isn’t only how to enforce them, but also to recognize when they are invaded. There are three ways in which your boundaries can be breached.

The first and most direct one is, when people simply disregard your limits. A part from physical and verbal abuse, there are many less aggressive ways in which others, consciously or unconsciously, can step across your boundaries. For example, some people don’t accept your “no“ for an answer; they continue to bombard you with probing questions, although you indicate that your uncomfortable answering them. Others assume that you are always available for them and ignore your need for privacy. Or you may have encountered those, who expect you to fulfill their needs and if you don’t punish you with rejection and blame. You know that your boundaries have been aggressively broken, when you feel small and powerless.

The second more subtle boundary invasion occurs when people don’t accept you and the choices you are making. Let’s say, you just start feeling good about the positive changes you have been making, but your family seems to prefer the “old” you. Or your excitement about your new interest gets squashed by your colleague’s eye-roll. And when you get together with your friends, they usually get a kick out of making fun of you, no matter how embarrassed you become. These subtle ways in which boundaries get overstepped often hurt the most and leave you feeling insecure and ashamed of yourself.

The third breakdown of your boundaries occurs purely on an emotional and energetic level. Perhaps you routinely feel overwhelmed and drained after going to the mall or a social gathering. A colleague having a bad day can leave you feeling deflated and depressed as well. Or you find yourself still thinking about work on Saturday morning, because a difficult conversation with a client from a few days ago is still weighing on you. If you think about yourself as being sensitive, you are probably familiar with this form of boundary breakdown. You tend to absorb and become entangled with the emotions and energies of others and thus lose touch with your center. As result you feel easily overwhelmed and unsafe in the outside world.

But no matter how your boundaries get invaded, your natural reaction may have been to either attack or avoid those, who crossed them. However, are confrontation or retreat really the best ways to strengthen your boundaries? Let’s take your health as an analogy; the most effective way to avoid getting a cold isn’t chasing bugs with disinfectants or stop leaving the house, but to strengthen your immune system.

Monday, October 13th, 2014 Healing Team, Human Body, Mind, Personal Breakthrough and Empowerment, Positive Thinking Comments Off on The Empowered Self Series: Part 10-Healthy Boundaries Start From Within

Keep the Faith

As a physician, I often felt that patients gave up faith in their self-healing abilities, completely  surrendering and trusting in the abilities and wisdom of the doctors.  Many young physicians are not prepared for this and don’t know how to deal with the power that is handed to them by their patients. The movie, The Doctor, should be a requirement for medical students.

William Hurt plays a doctor who realizes how little he knows about healthcare when he himself is diagnosed with throat cancer.  As a doctor he was mighty and all knowing, but as a patient he has to endure being treated as a helpless kid, without regard for his feelings and his dignity.

Unfortunately this is not only a Hollywood story; I am sure that many of you have had or are having similar experiences. Doctors and health care providers aren’t the only culprits. Family and friends can also be the source of “gloom and doom” messages. A colleague  of mine told me the story of a woman who was diagnosed with breast cancer. During their first session, she was feeling more and more encouraged and determined to focus on her  healing and get well again. As soon as she came home and told her family that she would heal, they warned her not get her hopes up, that she’d heard the diagnosis and should know that  there was not much that could be done. A few weeks later she died.

Tuesday, October 25th, 2011 Healing Team, Self-Healing Comments Off on Keep the Faith

Inner Balance

These and other studies show that inner balance is one of the most important keys to  healing. This means that you want to make sure that what you see, hear, smell, taste,  feel, and think are supporting your healing. Start with choosing a team of doctors and  health care practitioners that are in alignment with your intention to completely heal.

It is still a mystery to me why most hospitals look so sterile and impersonal. Even Motel 6 is able to create a more inviting and friendly atmosphere. Although you may not be able to be too picky about the looks of the facility, you need to choose your healing team wisely.

Many times I have been told stories of doctors, who were bombarding their patients with discouraging and strongly limiting messages. “You will always have to live with  the pain,” “there is nothing anyone can do,” etc. Being a physician myself, I know that  there is a positive intention behind these rather negative and disempowering messages— whether it is the idea to “be realistic” or “not encourage false hope,” or simply to prepare  the patient for the “inevitable”. However, doctors rarely consider the destructive and  deflating effects on the patient’s psyche that outweigh any possible positive outcome.

 In our society, a physician is such an authority figure, that whatever he or she says has  enormous impact on the patient.

Friday, October 21st, 2011 Healing Team, Self-Healing Comments Off on Inner Balance
Friedemann Schaub, M.D. Ph.D. e: [email protected] p: 1.866.903.MIND or 206.323.2762
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