How to stay calm and centered in world that no longer appears safe

11011587_sThe recent acts of terror in Turkey, Egypt, Lebanon and France have left many of us in shock and disbelief.  We can’t fathom the ruthless violence against innocent people, who just returned from a vacation, went shopping in the market or enjoyed a Friday night out.  Considering, that these are only a few of the most recent terrorist attacks, we may start to wonder if the world is no longer safe.

Some react with anger and call to force and retaliation. Others with grief and a sense of hopelessness. But the majority of people feel more anxious and afraid. Vacation plans get cancelled, since traveling abroad seems too risky. People of different faiths and cultures are eyed with great suspicion. And some even demand to shun the hundreds of thousands of desperate refugees that are fleeing from the terrorists themselves.

Of course it is understandable that fear and worry are running rampant these days. But let’s not forget that this is exactly the agenda of terrorism – to make us feel small, powerless and unsafe.  To quote Salman Rushdie “To prove terrorists wrong, we must agree on what matters: kissing in public places, bacon sandwiches, disagreement, cutting-edge fashion, literature, generosity, water, a more equitable distribution of the world’s resources, movies, music, freedom of thought, beauty, love. These will be our weapons.”

Tragic events can make you worried, vigilant and guarded to keep yourself safe. The problem is that constant fear and anxiety drain your energy, cloud your judgments and diminish your confidence, which is the opposite of helping you to stay safe. Here are a few tips that can help you overcome your fears and anxieties and regain a greater sense of calmness and centeredness.

Stop the negativity spiral

Making assumptions is one of the major anxiety triggers. Any thoughts starting with “what if” should give you a clue that you’re about to venture off into a fictional reality. You can get lost thinking through the consequences of terrible disasters or painful losses without realizing that they’re all based on one, frequently unrealistic “what if” assumption. Although you may know that the likelihood of dying in a car crash, drowning in your bathtub or being struck by lightning are significantly higher than becoming the victim of terrorist attack, your mind makes generalizations, ignores certain facts, and over-interprets others, all to concoct stories that are detrimental to your inner peace and well-being. Instead of spiraling into an anxiety triggering negativity spiral, take a deep breath and ask yourself the following three questions: Is this thought true? Does this thought make me feel good? Does this thought help me reach my goals? Each question acts as a reality check and will help you appreciate that entertaining the thought is not only hurtful, but it’s also getting you nowhere.

Counter-balance negative thoughts

I am sure you agree, that your mind is in general active and likes “to move,” which is why stopping a negative thought isn’t enough. What works best is to re-direct the mind with at least three counter-balancing thoughts, that shed light on the opposite, positive points of view.  For example, if your negative thought was Something bad will happen, counterbalances could be: Right now I am OK. There’ve been many times I was worried and everything turned out well.  I have the strength and abilities to handle anything that comes my way.

Positive counterbalancing is training your mind to search for and find uplifting and empowering perspectives for any given situation. However, rather than starting your own inner debating club, engage your heart in the process. For this, consider the source of your anxiety as a vulnerable inner child that just tries to keep you safe. You will notice how much easier it is to speak in a calm, reassuring, and comforting way when you visualize addressing an inner child.  By counterbalancing your negative thoughts with kindness and compassion, you automatically shift your consciousness and attitude from “I’m powerless” to “I’m taking charge.”

Keep perspective and your heart open

The mind, especially the subconscious mind, can’t easily distinguish between reality and fiction. This allows you to get completely engrossed in movies, books and daydreams about the upcoming vacation. On the flip side, when you are glued in front of your TV, following every “breaking story,” your mind may also perceive you in the middle of a war zone or as victims of a disaster. Therefore, limit your time watching the news to a minimum, and try to stay more present with your immediate environment.

Times like this can put life into perspective. Rather than getting upset about minor imperfections or sweating the small stuff, you can take this opportunity to remember what and who is truly important to you. Make spending time with your friends and family a priority.  Embrace even the smallest moments of joy and pleasure, such as a delicious cup of coffee, a warm hug or soft bed. Appreciate the daily blessing of your health, your home and your loved ones, which you may at times just take for granted. Show your humanity and reach out to those who are lonely or need a helping hand. And practice forgiveness and compassion, especially with those you disagree with.

I believe the best way for us to respond to those, who seem to have no regard for life, peace and freedom, is to stay calm, centered and not let anxiety and panic dictate our lives. Or to quote Salman Rushdie again: “Not by making war but by the unafraid way we choose to live shall we defeat them.”

Monday, November 23rd, 2015 Mind-Body-Spirit, Positive Thinking, Stress No Comments

Stress Solutions Summit

With all the distractions of today’s busy modern culture and the fast pace of our life styles, stress has become an all too common influence upon our health and well-being. It is often the primary cause of physical, mental and emotional dis-ease, and that is why a summit like this is so relevant and important in these times.

Friedemann-Schaubb-600x400-Affiliate-Stress-Solutions-Summit I will be joined by some of the most knowledgeable relaxation and stress management masters on the planet, including Dr. Norm Shealy, Mary Manin Morrissey, Derek Rydall, Donna Eden, Dr. Mario Martinez, Dr. Theresa Dale, and others. Along with these guests and Lisa Garr, I will present inspiring and practical techniques for minimizing stress and the harmful disorders it can cause. This Summit will help you to transcend your current challenges and move to a lasting peace, increased abundance, longevity, health and contentment. My interview will broadcast on Thursday, December 4th, at 1:00 PM Pacific Standard Time, and I sincerely hope you will tune in. If you have a desire to create a better life, that stems from a calm cool center within yourself, you will be delighted with this practical information that we’re going to bring you! Reserve your seat by clicking here.

The Empowered Self

We are born with sheer unlimited potential to grow, adapt and succeed. Just the fact that we learned how to crawl and then to walk, that we figured out how to use our mouths and vocal cords to form words others can understand, and that we developed skills to relate to the world around us proves that we are innately powerful. However, considering that more and more people are struggling with anxiety, insecurity and depression, it appears that at some point we are forgetting or losing touch with our personal power.

Let’s face it – how often do you feel powerless in the course of just one day? You are stuck in traffic and worry that you will end up late for work. Your boss pushes an unreasonable deadline on you, which means less time with your loved ones during the week-end. And at home your kids once again refuse to go to bed when they are asked to. The more life appears out of our control, the more powerless we feel.  Yet, is personal power defined by how much we can control other people or the circumstances we are in?

Some people describe personal power as the ability to change the direction of our lives. Others believe that this power allows us to influence and direct those around us. From my perspective living in a self-empowered way goes far beyond forcing our will on our reality. I consider personal power as an energy, which is based on the harmonious alignment of mind, body and spirit and leads to a sound mixture of confidence, competence and compassion for others and oneself.

Although, you can’t measure your level of empowerment, you know that you have developed and are in touch with your personal power when you:

  • Feel safe and secure within yourself
  • Accept stewardship over your mind, body and spirit
  • Take responsibility for your life
  • Trust that you have the wisdom, knowledge and capabilities to deal with anything life brings you
  • Are confident that you can change, create and attract what your heart desires
  • Commit to continuously grow, learn and evolve
  • Allow yourself to discover and express your true, authentic self
  • Consider yourself as an integral part of the web of life
  • Are open to explore your spirituality
  • Have confidence that your mission and your purpose will continue to evolve and reveal itself
  • Practice appreciation, patience and compassion for the beings around you – and for yourself
  • Treat yourself how you want to be treated by others
  • Embrace the present moment with all its gifts and possibilities
  • Develop an open, flexible mind, which allows you to learn and let go of the past and recognize the growth opportunities from any obstacle you are facing

Of course, this list has plenty of room to grow and for you to add to it. I can imagine that you’re already thinking of aspects you associate with your personal power. Accepting your personal power and approaching life with a sense of responsibility, self-reliance and a deep desire to grow and evolve into your true, authentic selves is an ongoing process. It takes certain skills, time and commitment to harness your power; but once you do, you will experience greater peace, harmony and fulfillment in all areas of your life.

How can I stop my hyperactive and worrying mind?

We can literally talk ourselves into a state of stress and anxiety. In fact, when we pay close attention, we notice that most of the times we simply freak ourselves out. As Mark Twain once said, “I had a lot of tragedies in my life—most of them never happened.”

We’re not often consciously aware of the sequence of negative thoughts that lead to anxiety. The resulting feeling itself is what makes us pay attention. But how did we get there? The exercise below is a very powerful way of paying attention to the thoughts that often lead to a downward spiral into the dark pit of fear and anxiety. The descent can start with a “what if”, or an “I should have”, both mere assumptions, either about something that has not yet happened or something that we can’t change because it has already happened. Yet this does not stop us from entertaining these thoughts. These thoughts are often judgmental or critical in nature. We doubt ourselves and wonder what other people may think about us. And very quickly, thoughts pop up that seems to confirm the previous ones, which confirms or exacerbates the first one, adding to the raising feeling of gloom and uncertainty. The problem is that these thoughts seem to only partially enter our conscious awareness. They can be so quick and fleeting that we don’t really “catch” them. The initial idea is often immediately trailed by another thought, which confirms or exacerbates the first one – and so on.

I routinely ask my clients to watch their negative self-talk and actually write this talk down. Most of them are completely surprised when they find out how often negative thoughts float through their minds. But they are even more shocked by what they say to and about themselves. “How can I be so mean to myself?” is a very common reaction. Let’s face it, how often do we tell ourselves “I am stupid, fat, ugly, a loser,” etc., things that we would never tell anybody else directly to their face.

So why do we treat other people with more respect and consideration than we treat ourselves? Does it make sense that we don’t want to hurt others’ feelings and at the same time are our own worst critic? One of the most important components to breaking through fear and anxiety is to learn how to trust—especially to trust ourselves. Would you trust somebody who calls you “a loser” or tells you that “you don’t have what it takes?”

The following exercise is one of the most effective ways of handle negative, self-defeating mind-racing. However, there are a few considerations that are important to understand to use this tool most effectively.

One of the reasons this exercise works is because it interrupts the spiral of negative thinking before it gets us into the negative emotion. It is training our mind to not automatically follow this self-defeating train of thoughts, but to search for new options and ways to view the given situation. By considering the more positive angles, we are also planting seeds in our mind, which support the growth of greater confidence and self-esteem.

Another major factor is that we are learning to directly address the deeper source of the negative self-talk. Negative self-talk is not a conscious, intellectual choice. It stems from the subconscious mind. Imagine that a part of your subconscious mind is merely repeating old “tapes” of negative messages you heard many years ago. Maybe when you were a child, being worried and hyper-vigilant may have served you by helping you to feel more safe. Maybe you had to make sure that you were not getting in trouble with your parents or it felt much safer for you to be invisible. The reason why a “younger” part of your mind is continuously playing these old themes and holding on to these patterns is because that part has never been properly encouraged and reassured. By either ignoring these now rather non-supportive messages or buying into them through anxiety and worry, this subconscious part will just continue what it has been doing for a long time. So how would you respond if a little child would tell you that he or she feels bad and frightened? Would you ignore her or tell him,“yes, you a’re right, you suck, and the world is an unfriendly and dangerous place?” Of course not, because not only would you frighten the child more, but also what will happen is that this child will start screaming louder and louder. What you would do is to comfort and reassure this child, not merely with intellectual reasoning, but with gentle kindness from your heart. And as a result, the child would most likely feel safe and at peace again. This is the context in which you need to place the following negative-positive / self-talk exercise.

 To get specific:

Get a little notebook that you will carry with you at all times. In this book, you will write down all negative self-talk immediately when it comes up. Then ask yourself: “Is this true?” “Does believing this serve me or anybody else?” “Does believing this help me in reaching my goals?” These questions help you to interrupt the negative thought spiral.

Then promptly, next to the negative thought, write at least three positive ones, which are counter-balancing the negative thoughts. As you write down the words, make sure that you are fully aware of the positive qualities. Feel good about what you are writing. In the past, you may have tried to change negative thinking through positive counter-balancing. The reason why most people who unsuccessfully tried to counter-balance negative-self talk failed is that they did not add positive emotions to the positive statements. The subconscious mind does not care so much about words; It cares much more about feelings. So rather than using this exercise as mental gymnastics, make sure that you can feel and stand behind the positive statements you make. This is why the image of talking to a younger, subconscious self is so helpful, since it is easier to talk kindly and comforting to a child than to an adult self. Be very diligent and committed to this exercise, and don’t let one negative thought slip by without counter-balancing it. By using this method, most people are able to reduce negative self-talk by more than 80 percent in just a couple of weeks.


Health Damaging Effects of Stress

The health damaging effects of stress have been well documented. Heart disease, stroke, high blood pressure, gastro-intestinal problems, and auto-immune disease are only some of the diseases that are closely linked to increased stress. Our immune system is especially susceptible to negative emotions. Deepak Chopra says in his book, Quantum Healing, “Our immune system is continuously eaves-dropping on our thoughts and feelings.

 Studies have corroborated this notion: major depressive disorders are associated with  increases in infectious disease risk as well as the incidence of inflammatory disorders. Declines of natural killer (NK) cell activity are reliably found in depression, whereas other studies report evidence of inflammation in depressed patients. Other studies showed that emotional stress correlated with impaired DNA repair mechanisms in cells that were subjected to radiation. Another trial suggested that anxiety, anger, and negative attitudes are a 30 times stronger risk factor for cancer thank smoking.

Tuesday, October 18th, 2011 depression, Self-Healing, Stress No Comments